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Revision Stratergies
The first major assignment for Writing 39C was the Historical Conversations Project (HCP) or the Literature review as we did it. The Literature review is designed to lead up to the Advocacy Project (AP) . The goal of the HCP was to research and collect information about a specific species of animal and present it in the form of a literature review. The target of the research was to gather evidence of cognitive and smart behaviour among the select animal species, so as to present this information to the audience and make them aware of the fact that animals in fact possess the ability to think. This in turn helps us make a better and stronger argument when writing the AP, and arguing to protect the animals we chose.
I decided to research about the Lion or Panther Leo, and the HCP helped me as a writer to understand the life of a lion, and advocate better solutions to the problems it may face.
Click here to access my Literature Review
Revisions in Literature Review
The first thing I revised in my literature review was the lack of captions for my draft. For an effective Literature Review, the multimodal arguments need to carry some weight, and be informative. The cations serve the purpose of adding that weight to the images and other multimodal arguments, and hence it was a priority for me to add captions to the images I used in my LR. Following is the evidence of my revision.
PS: I have yet yo add captions to all the images in my LR, but I will complete that portion as soon as possible
This is before when I did not add captions to images.
This is after when I added the captions to my images.
The second revision I made in my literature review was correcting my thesis statement to go with the theme of a literature review. Initially, as Prof. Haas pointed out, my thesis hinted that my literature review was rather a persuasive essay rather than a scientific review. I corrected that by changing my thesis statement, making it crystal clear that my essay is indeed a literature review.
This is my initial thesis statement.
This is my edited thesis statement.
The third revision I did was reducing the wordiness and making the essay fluent. Initially I used a lot of redundant words in my literature review, ranging from the names of researchers to the arguments I made. I edited those and now my LR reads a lot better.
Following is an example of the edits I made.
This is how I initially repeated words.
This is an example how I made my LR fluent.
Revisions in Advocacy Project
The first thing I revised in my Problem-Solution Draft was adding a more grassroot solution to the Draft. The Requirements for the AP mentioned that a grassroot solution, such as donation to a charity or adopting a cat is required. I previously did not include this solution in my draft. Adding this section made my draft stand up to the requirements of the AP.
Initially I did not include the UNESCO solution.
But later on I added this solution, as a way how people can support the lions, by petitioning UNESCO to accept lions as a World Heritage Species.
Another revision I did in my Problem-Solution draft was rearranging the paragraphs to improve the flow and the readability of my draft. This way my draft is easier to read and understand, as all the information about a single topic or problem is put together and thoroughly explained.
Initially I placed this paragraph randomly. Away from the place where this topic is discussed.
Then I changed the location of this paragraph and placed it after the paragraph where I discuss Trophy Hunting and bone trade.
One of the few other revisions I did was to add a few more paragraphs to my AP so as to explain the urgency of the problem I was stating. By adding the following paragraph, I made the problem much more urgent than it previously seemed
This paragraph talks about how more than 80 lions have been killed in Tanzania alone as retaliation to lions killing cattle.
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